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Senate Panel To Consider End Of Gay Marriage Ban

There has been a lot for supporters of gay marriage to celebrate this year, including a new law that permits same-sex nuptials in New York.

Back in February, the Justice Department said it would no longer defend the federal law that restricts marriage to heterosexual couples, citing doubts about its constitutionality. This week, the White House said President Obama wants to overturn the law. On Wednesday, the Senate Judiciary Committee will consider a bill that would do that — and for the first time give federal benefits to same-sex couples who marry.

Those benefits would have made a big difference for Ron Wallen of Indio, Calif., who spent more than a half-century with Tom Carrollo. Carrollo died in March after a long illness, a few months shy of their third wedding anniversary.

Now Wallen is not only grieving for his husband but also facing financial chaos.

"It's hard to accept that it's the American government that's throwing me out of my family home," Wallen told NPR.

Under the federal Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, a marriage must be between a man and a woman. So Wallen is not entitled to get his husband's small monthly pension or his Social Security survivors benefits, which are double the payments Wallen gets on his own.

"I lost my husband, my partner of ... 58 years and the love of my life, and now I'm going to lose the home we shared under very adverse circumstances because of this law," Wallen said.

Wallen will appear before the Senate committee Wednesday to ask lawmakers to pass the bill repealing the Defense of Marriage Act. The bill also would make clear that same-sex couples who marry are entitled to file joint tax returns, qualify for Social Security survivors benefits and enjoy other rights under federal law.

Only hours before the hearing, the White House weighed in, saying President Obama supports the bill.

A spokesman said Obama believes the federal government should not deny gay and lesbian couples the same rights as straight people.

"The president has long called for a repeal of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act, which continues to have a real impact on the lives of real people," Shin Inouye said.

Five states and the District of Columbia have legalized same-sex marriage. Same-sex marriages will begin Sunday in New York.

But Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, says there's still a lot of misunderstanding.

"I think for many people in this country they are unaware that in states where same-sex marriage is the law of the land — like New York, like Massachusetts — we are still denied those fundamental federal benefits in those states," he said.

Many people are still angry that the Obama Justice Department walked away from the Defense of Marriage Act, leading the GOP-led House to hire a private lawyer to back the law in court challenges.

Maggie Gallagher, chairman of the National Organization for Marriage, told NPR that marriages between a man and a woman deserve a special place under the law.

"These unions are unique. They make new life. They connect children in love to their mothers and fathers," she said. "That's not bigotry. It's common sense."

The prospects for repealing DOMA this congressional session are cloudy. There's more support in the Senate than in the House, but it's likely to be a campaign issue in the next round of elections.

Wallen says he knows any change in the law is likely going to come too late to help him.

"I just want it to be right, and if not today, tomorrow, and this is the time to start it," he said. "The time is now."

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Gay Divorce A Higher Hurdle Than Marriage

by Tovia Smith

As thousands of gay and lesbian couples are planning weddings in New York — and celebrating their hard-fought right to marry — others around the nation are fighting for the right to divorce.

Since most states, and the federal government, don't recognize gay marriages, many same-sex couples are left with no way to officially split.

For example, an out-of-state couple who goes to Massachusetts to marry, or a couple who lives in-state and then moves away, can't divorce in Massachusetts because they'd have to be a resident for at least a year. And if the couple's home state doesn't recognize gay marriage, they can't divorce there, either.

Nearly three years ago, Rhode Island resident Lisa Lunt split up with the woman she married in Massachusetts. She has been trapped ever since.

"It's strange. It puts me in emotional and legal limbo," Lunt says.

The consequences could be serious: If Lunt wants to marry again one day, would that be polygamy? And legally, her ex could claim half of her retirement. Lunt and her ex didn't share children or property — but many other same-sex couples say without access to a family court, it becomes almost impossible to divvy up joint assets and decide custody issues.

"Amy" married her partner in Connecticut and returned to her home state, where gay marriage is not legal, to start a family. But just months after their baby was born, Amy's wife wanted out, and no court would hear Amy's claim to the child who carries her last name.

"It was heartbreaking — a lot of tears shed," she says.

Amy wants to remain anonymous because she is trying to get a judge to quietly grant her divorce under the radar. The court won't touch custody or property disputes, but she hopes a sympathetic judge might at least be willing to give his official stamp to an uncontested divorce, as long as it is all kept quiet.

"It's very much a gamble. I'm at the whim of a judge, but it is the best shot I have, and it would make such a difference to have that peace of mind," she says.

In the past, however, judges who are discovered to have gone out on a limb to grant gay divorces have been challenged — and their decisions usually overturned.

Attorney Elizabeth Schwartz specializes in same-sex divorces in Florida. She says it's unfair how same-sex couples are treated.

"[I] can't tell you how many can't even have a day in court. They just have to walk away," she says.

Even in states that do recognize gay marriage, gay divorce can still be a legal mess because gay marriages aren't recognized by the federal government — or the IRS.

For example, alimony payments are usually tax-free. But, Massachusetts attorney Joyce Kauffman says, the IRS has no guidelines on what to do if you are a gay divorcee.

"Many people are just keeping their fingers crossed, hoping they don't get audited," she says.

Another tricky issue in gay divorce is the length of a marriage. Courts divvy up property very differently when a couple has been together two years as opposed to 20. But if a couple has been together for a decade before gay marriage was legal, how many years should count? Some judges are now beginning to consider unmarried time together, but Kauffman says that often gets ugly, when one ex inevitably tries to discount their early years together as "just friends."

For now, attorneys say, don't skip the prenuptial agreement.

There have been some efforts to enable gay divorce in states that bar gay marriage, but those have been fought by people who see it as a slippery slope.

That infuriates people like Lunt. It makes no sense, she says, for opponents of gay marriage to keep people like her from ending one.